Wanna Buy Beats? - Volume 1

by Schooly Bus presents Former Fat Boys

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released December 26, 2011


all rights reserved


Track Name: Wanna Buy Beats? - Part 1
holy shit, this is incredible how did they know
i've always wanted to be a rapper, always wanted to flow
over hot beats made by the top producers
and look at this guy's page he isn't just friends with losers like me
his profile of has pictures of snoop and jkwon
and eminem and akon
i'll probably get rained on
if i record on one his beats
i'll probably get played on
that suburban local podcast
run by my friend john
cash thrown at me, myspace howard hughes
i'll be able to buy new condoms and not reuse
let's see should i buy an east coast beat or a dirty south banger
or a dr. dre clone cuz i'm a west coast player
so many choices each one better than the next shit
these beats are awesome they sounds like every radio hit
they change a few notes and its mine for ten bucks
hey look, buy one beat get one free plus guaranteed sluts
just pop out the amex
yeah i got an amex
cuz i applied online and i make ontime payments
1% back on everything, 5% on groceries and gas
and i got it cuz i'm a baller and they know i get ass
Track Name: Download A Car
i'd download a car
i'd download a boat
i'll download anything
cuz man i'm broke
i'd download a mouse
i'd download a house
i'd download a chair
and a matching couch
if you can make it zeroes and ones
and i can print it out
i don't fucking care, i'll download a cow
i'd download a spaceship
fly to the stars
i'd download cologne
i'd download a car

i'm on the net from the rise to sunset
i'm bored and broke and the day ain't begun yet
got a 15 megabit connection to free stuff
you wanna ride, grab ya laptop and surf's up
head to http www Tee Pee Bee
go on an isohunt DL an NZB
download Twilight 3, in 1080p
from a workprint release smuggled by DGs
the unsung bothans of the piracy scene
they ds9 unseen, so we call em the breen
you got a puny e-penis
compared to scene kids
who've already seen it
and by it, I mean everything happenin
your hundred million dollar turd starring hugh jackman
right now I'd be drunk if I could download captain
and coke, but that's just a distant hope
that we'll replicate matter from a port in our homes
Dre's Detox will leak, i'll crank it thru foobar
and i'll download rum, and a whole bar
and i'll download free gas while I unrar my new car
science will figure it out, can't be too hard

i'd download a car
i'd download a boat
i'd download your mom
then upload to her throat
and do the same with Jenna Jame and Taylor Rain
you could say i downloaded brain
i'd download a bat suit
and then download joker
i'd download edward cullen
then bram stoker
and watch him kick some twilight ass
i'd download david duke and photoshop him black

they call us millennials, we got excess degrees
crushed by student loans we don't just want it free
we got a need, we're bout to bleed
demographically, most unemployed group in half a century
raised on mcmansions and credit cards
laptop rappers now we're saving in jars
so it's back to mom and dad's
they don't really want us back
but their pads got wifi
and so we eek by
arrested development, lost season 4, 5,
and so on, and so forth and so pissed
as o's stimulus goes to districts that don't exist
this system is wishin on population growth
but we're shrinking and consumption chokes
then there's less jobs for us younger folks
debt's a noose, we'll be in debt hope
which is why, no joke, we'd download soap

i'd download a car
i'd download a boat
i downloaded 12 seasons of murder she wrote
i'd download spongebob kazoos
and party favors
i'd download baskin robbins 31 flavors
and a new pair of addidas rod lavers
i'd download the 69 celtics and lakers
i'd download a submarine and play captain nemo
then some 3-D glasses and see captain EO

those of us with jobs are blessed,
but what about the rest
stimulus checks don't exactly future protect
but if I learned anything from picard and la forge
is that one day we'll replicate what we can't afford
and everything will be free
and every English degree can download a living
and a pool to go swimming
and all the snooty classic lit and history kids
won't be shoutin they took our jobs at asian kids
and us business students
at our class reunions
we'll all download bentley's
and real fine suits
download gorgeous blonde porn star prostitues,
I mean escorts, maybe we'll be on ships and fight borgs
for now we're suburban brats with big dreams
when even jay-z's gotta wear some girls jeans
won't fear RIAA, if my dreams come true
we'll have to face the wrath of the UAW when we...

i'd download a car
i'd download a boat
i'd download a goa'uld and be it's new host
i'd download a goat
i'd download a ghost
i'd download a castle and piranha filled moat
download everything that my eyes can see
maybe a t-rex from jurassic park site c
i'd download a cave
then i'd be brave download osama bin laden as a slave
be depraved give him to the goat to ram
I'd download Aerosmith and watch em jam
i'd download some ice cold surge from 1998
i'd download the world's greatest pb and j
if you can make it zeroes and ones
and i can print it out
i don't fucking care, i'll download a cow
i'd download the graduate
by mc lars
i'd download a robot
i'd download a car
Track Name: Nerdapalooza
it's a nerdpalooza
a bunch of grade school losers
taunted and teased
we grew up to be cooler
i'm about to move ya
i'm about to groove ya
so put your hands up it's a nerdapalooza
come on scream oooh ahh

hands up in the club if ya nerdy
if you coding the next google in your basement and you're 30
and you're living at home with your mom
but you bout to be richer than little steve jobs
gimme a shout
if they kicked you around
pushed you down
but you grew up and you're running this town
making cash from the cloud
kickin back on your boat targeting lasers on they house
countin cash while they broke
cuz little johnny nerd life
got the hot wife
and he got his own bodygaurds now you wanna fight?
like daniel larusso taking elizabeth shoe home
they wish they'd got smart like a spy with a shoe phone
i graduated, some nerds just posers
rappers in frontalot glasses, bunch a jokers
co-opting nerd fashion for cash ain't kosher
that's why i'm putting it down now for an army of coders

i want to tell you a story
once upon there was this kid who liked action figures and magic cards
he was a little overweight
he didn't have friends
he got pushed punched and kicked around the playgroud
he preferred the computer lab
one day he got in shape
put on some headphones
and grew up to become the greatest rapper in the world

throw up your spock hands
both or do it solo han
raise em to the clouds like your name was calrissian
reference something obscure
quote something no one's heard
or cast a fucking spell
and laugh while their fucking village burns
+15 now you're on the right track
you're growing a sack
now show you can hack
like you don't give a frak
surprise barack
is now nerds.cum
like movvvvve you're dumb
i'm not done
stickam whores hum
cuz they all want some
torrents done
faye reagan on my thumb
you wanna come
cuz it's so yum
so plug it in
unplug the car
faye on the dash
watch that so i drive hard

old school chozo
on the radio
wave to lady hoes
while they strip out they
cosplay clothes
from the con
where they went dressed
as the baroness
i was destro, let's go
nerds get ridiculous
Track Name: Wanna Buy Beats? - Part 2
yo its 30% off on beats at the beat mart
and you'll stock up on three or more if you're street smart
beat packages, professionalicious beat deals
you'll be a hip-hop superstar you'll be so real
beats for you sister, beats for your cousin
beats for a dolla, beats man beats for nothin
welcome to the bakery, there's hot beats in the oven
and no purple shits if you eat these beatsin case you were wondering
we're contacting you directly through our friendblaster pro
messaging you from an account we most likely stole
but check the millions of plays thats how you know we're legit
currently on special buy a beat and get a thousand hits
with a message like that i can hardly resist
quiet the inner cynic ignore carpal tunnel pain in my wrist and click
and order quick, i want those free hits
i wanna sip sizzurup, i wanna hot mix
i'll write one rap about guns
one rap about drugs
one rap about guns and drugs in the clubs
one rap about parties
obliged to rhyme with bicardi
one rap name dropping pac even though he didn't know me
i'd like to think he'd probably have been my myspace pal
and i'd of spammed his myspace comments if he allowed html
cuz i'd steal pac's fans with a shitty photobucket banner that sucks
they'd all download my new jam Sluts Shakin Butts
Track Name: Extreme Makeover
they say to rock the neighborhood change your home
and if you're house is glass you better hold your stones
and if you're home alone, and hear my tone
its time to be a man, act full grown
cuz all the animostity takes it toll
i got an extreme make over for your soul
we need an extreme make over for the soul
this an extreme make over for your soul

i ain't been to prison but I done a bunch of crimes
I ain't got a lot of dollars but i got a lot of dimes
ain't got a fancy watch but i gotta lot of time
i ain't good at writing beats but i can fucking rhyme
i put lamborghini doors on my 97 neon
and i got buzz for light years to infiinity and beyond
and y'all more simplistic than bunch a fucking heathens
i got more sides to me than a dodecahedron
they call me sucksex baby cuz I suck at sex
naw, just kidding cuz I suck the best breasts
on chests on girls that never used to look my way
now it's a sunny day, sweeping clouds away
formerly fat just trying be formerly famous
i'll be a one hit wonder then gladly the lamest
lemme get a lil eloquent, speak a little beautifully
preach a little promise, encourage a little unity
put your hands up if you're feeling alive
and if you're not too cool go on give a high five
and if you feeling a lil angry go on swallow your pride
lemme be your guide let's rebuild ourselves on the inside

making so much noise they gonna call the police
got my piece of shit ride cuz i ain't go no lease
sitting on my porch rap-rapping to dope beats
kids biking in the streets, a million little opie's
pass a smile on and see where it goes
if you're moving really fast, stop, breathe, smell a rose
treat her like a lady, not like a ho
do what's right, instead of listening to polls
and who knows, one day the sun may shine brighter
every friendship may be a little tighter
study a little harder, pull an all nighter
train a little longer, be a better fighter

pick your battles don't get lost fighting wars
don't drown in whores, lose your savings at scores
don't dismiss the poor cuz one day you may be more needy if your job don't need you any more
please don't ask me for a cigarette you shouldn't fucking smoke
please don't ask me to drop a verse you're a fucking joke
this ain't that kinda party, i got pepsi not coke
don't come backstage for groupie love, you'll prolly choke
if you got a million bucks make it rain
cuz time's flying like doc brown on his train
even scrooge mcduck with all of his luck and brains
went to the moon but couldn't take his money pit to the grave
Track Name: Give Us Your Money
give us you money
Give us you cash
Give us your money
we won't give it back
then give us your girlfriends
give us your wives
they'll dump your ass
for our twenties and fives

give us you money
Give us you cash
Give us your money
we won't give it back
give us your daughters
down on all fours
a little cash
and they all become whores

give me your cash
i'll give it back
lower the deficit fast
increase my taxes
or i just might drop my pants
and whip out the future
so what you gonna do sir?
the rack
in the back
after the fact
i'm hittin that
in that short skirt twerk twerk
she gon make it squirt squirt
do it like we're ernie and bert
her friend jumps in berzerk
whips off her shirt
we share her like dessert
so fund my dreams
gimme me money like you were tithing at your church

they say my behavior is likely to endanger
myself and others
but i recover under covers
of hundred dollar bills
and pills and thousand dollar lovers
and i'm so ridifferent
i combine words, i'm mothers
worst nightmares
but who cares, it's bout who stares
gold plated platinum
platinum plated diamonds
who cares where they mine is
so cold, gave her so much ice
she let me frost her eyelids
shut with my kids

now shut your fucking faces
cut off your bracelets
dad's working late shifts
mom's rockin facelifts
i already had her taste this
then squirtled on her fake tits
in your basement, she drove me home in the minivan, shameless
let them underage hoes get shitfaced its
jack daniels with braces
it was your mom, don'tcha worry about aids miss
i got a benneton heart and my dick ain't racist
gimme white girls black girls and a mix of asians
one day we'll get married, it starts with a first kiss
promise, make your way lower, it's ok, i'm so rich
don't worry about breakouts, i hear it clears zits
now blow the candle, and you can make a wish
Track Name: Smashed The Homie
she's been my baby boo
since like 2002
like before anyone knew
montag would get boobs
we never separate
always having sex and shit
she was always loving only my ejaculate

i just want you to hold me
cuz baby you're the only one who knows me
baby you're my one and only
i said baby hold me
that's one she told me
she smashed the homie

i saw the tape on that internet
you can't deny the evidence
you just a guilty bitch
i don't care that we hand't met yet
you done fucked a man's best friend
how am i supposed to act
you said love you, ain't that a pact
girl the re's this thing called trust
if i'm gon put it in your butt
gotta know you ain't had bros nuts
bust all in you like a slut
it hurts deep just like a cut
that i'm first base just like a bunt
and before me he was all uhh uhh
and you were all uuuhh uhh home runs

he's my homie girl
you only blow me girl
he's there when i slam dunk
he's there when i get drunk
and when i'm down on luck
he's the one that picks me up
and it turns out you two fucked
all the way back in 2001
he looks into my eyes
he ain't just onne of the guys
you had no fucking right
to take it from him that one night
it ruins everything
between us, he haunts this place
when i mount you girl, now i only see his face
Track Name: Brush Yo Teeth
brush yo teef
Get em real clean
make sure you floss up in between

bacteria in my mouth always highjackin
wanna shut me down keep my tongue from wagging
still sleepy, still laggin
grab a toothbrush to kill the dragon
whoosh breath that breath so fresh
nice clean smile courtesy of crest
listen to the dentist his advice is best
tooth superman, dds on his chest
cuz he say everyday gotta floss and brush
stick to h 2 aqua skip the grape crush
brush after breakfast, dinner, and lunch
anytime you eat even if it's just cunts
pour one out for william addis
invented the toothbrush from jail, dude is the baddest
and when shit goes crooked gotta rock some braces
two crowns before 30, listen up this ain't fake kids

i love that green, you know i'm the boss
food can't stay stuck when i weild my floss
slip in to the pink, my gums get down
it's almost like i got a g-string in my mouth
mouth so dirty like i been licking butts
toothbrush in so i hit it with suds
let osmosis jones heal my tooth bones
i don't mess around cuz novamin owns
got my burt's bees paste so organic
and my flouride paste vary how i'm attackin it
brush 3 times a day
clear that plaque away
keep germs at bay
its a listerene day
the only three cavaties I ever want filled
are in my hot lil dentist baby come here and get drilled
cuz she'll canal your roots
if you abuse your tooths
her nice boobs don't mask the pain listen to the truth
yo this is the space dino, calling you from my space phone
where you at dog, seems like you're never phone
i've been calling you long distance like each and every day
i got old space toys to sell you on space ebay
i got dinosaur condoms you can use as summer homes
in the hamptons and if the kennedy's get mad i'll make them eat their bones
cuz i got space recipes for rich people soup
i bought from steven tyler, eat the rich means gold poop
that's how i bought my first transporter i paid in gold shit
got the second one free and the third i didn't really wanna see it
but the reason why i'm calling is to save you from yourself
humans have polluted the earth, there's nothing you can do to help
space dinos will return from the asteriod exhile
and if you want to save yourself send me a torrent of the x-files
and write a song ever about dinos from the moon
and make sure to sing the hook
and if you can't sing use autotune
cuz i forgot to mention we're all robots
robot space dinos
and we're all in frats, brobots
and we all have space cocks
Track Name: Schooly Bus Presents Former Fat Boys featuring Saltine - Anything Butt Sex
butter on my popcorn
but I had to off her
butts was a charger
butthead was a baller
goin to gwar and serious shit
You caught me but I'm verbal kent
butters on south park
butter on corn
butte montana
butt is in porn
alexis texas
butterball turkey
you can't fuck a butt
as fast as me
farts smell rough
magic clean
butthole surfers
butthole wax
bottle service
butt of kat stacks
anal retentive
anal beads
anal warts
an anal feast
Butt steak
butt steak
rump roast
Make no mistake
I dump most
If I was Ike
I'd fire tina
take the stage
have diarrhea
fart and poop
and poop and pee
When I number 2
it sounds like pee

Argyle sweater
Argyle everything
We've gone to plaid
ludicrous wedding ring
Yeah I said Luda
bitch get out the way
I won't be having sex with you today
I take my time and get to know you
several dates of course I'll phone you
we can kiss and have milkshakes
but you can't know how my dick tastes
Dictate action quick freeze frame
my pants must stay on today
I've got values
I've got morals
until I Say I do
not even oral
But once we're married
bitch look out
put it in your ass
put it in your mouth
Lick my anus dressed as a clown
turn my condoms upside down
pour out semen on your grandpa
make you lick it while I slam pogs
Cut your ass like joker's face
Think that's rough
that's just first base

i love you so much girl
you know i love your pearl
but tonight i want to be your durst
hit your chocolate starfish till it hurts
when a butt queefs is it just a fart
when a butt gapes and shapes like a heart
i'll sing you boy band songs in the dark
cept i'll sing butt, when they sing heart
works so perfect every song
it's like they wrote em that way sing along
its all in, can my balls fit too
my sweet zune tunes keeps you in the mood
riding through the final throes
damn, we're outta lube, here just blow your nose
tonight girl you're my jenna haze
jenny hendrix ass for days
you're my taylor rain, my keri sable
natalia rossi, i'm not able
to complete coherent words and thoughts
with your wagging ass in hot pink butt floss
ranch dressing, salad tossed
main course rump roast scrotum sauce
just like mitch said, wedding rings first
then cock rings, butt plugs, and so much worse
Track Name: Wanna Buy Beats - Part 3
we found your myspace account
we can find your house
we can use our beats
we can take you out
we know you're debating about clicking our links
but you can buy non-exclusive if you're shit stinks
if you're sure you're going major, buy it exclusive
better buy today, you don't wanna lose it
just try and delete this message, another will appear
asking if you wanna buy some beats and it should be clear
that's why you're here, well, that and porn
naked chicks and rap music is why the internet was born
best quality you can get from a free vst
each beat delivered as an mp3
professional, man, these beats are HD
you can put em on your iTunes or mixtape CD
and trust me i produced for all the majors
these beats are all you need to silence your haterz

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