Wanna Buy Beats? - Volume 2

by Former Fat Boys, Terry McBeer, Schooly Bus

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credits

released August 14, 2012

Lyrics: Benjamin Garbe

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Track Name: Wanna Buy Beats? - Part 4
kill your laughter
buying beats is the new viagra
ever tried telling chicks you were a rapper
don't knock it, they laugh then fuck you after
then you buy a beat and brag how you tapped her
in the club bathroom
ok you never tapped her, cue laughter, you just took a dump
but when you got the mic your persona can be trump
you be the DU, you could be humpty hump
so i keep buying beats and i keep spinning yarns
and i post em to myspace where i am a star
and i post lots of pictures of me with fancy cars
parked out front of clubs and outside of bars
i'm living proof that these ads were right
i bought some beats and just look at my life
i'm unsigned tripe, i'm still white, still 10% real 95% hype
i'm twenty six years old and fully employed
if being an unemployed rapper counts as fully employed
so a nigerian craiglist prince sold me a keyboard
and i'm gonna make me some beats and open me a beat store
three beats for a dolla 10 beats for jackson
hell, write me a check for a penny i'll probably cash it
i got my beat kitchen i'm here to cook
spamming myspace i'm why everyone went to facebook
Track Name: Batsuit Up (Batman The Animated Series / Dennis O'Neal / Arkham City Pronunciation Mix)
i'm stuck in line at the hottest new night spot
it goes and goes forever wrapping all around the block
there's lotsa bitches here
there's lotsa dudes too
there's bouncers out front
what's this lil wayne sposed to do
i could flash some cash
or try to whoop some ass
or go detective comics on em...
and just just sneak past
it's getting late all the bottle whores
will be spoken for
they'll be nothing left for me
when i get my in the door

so i spring into action
back to the mansion
gotta switch my style up
then i'll kill it like a manson
ditch the designer jeans
grab a killer dark suit
straight out a cave
but it'll have to do
ditch my rolys royce
hop into a modified
ford futura from old times
and blast the turbine
then i speed back
through the empty streets
and when i pull up
all the bros scream
and when I pull up
all the hoes cream
and when i pull up
it's like a a fucking dream
and when i pull up
all the villains flee
you got a dress code
but i come dressed as me


so i bat suit up
I got my cape and my cowl on
cuz tonight i'm here to party
cuz i made the crime all gone

i saved the city once
i saved the city twice
i saved it three times
i deserve to skip the line

so i bat suit up
I got my cape and my cowl on
cuz tonight i'm here to party
cuz i made the crime all gone

i ain't no superman
but i saved the whole world
now come here cutie bootie
you can be my bat girl

all you wannabes
gangbangers and gun toters
you think you run this place
y'all a bunch of fucking jokers
you got your bottle service
you push a lot of weight
one little wire transfer
i'll fucking own this place
you drunk and confident
why not hit the batman
you think your supervillians
but you're just some henchmen
we're up in VIP
she's making lots of noise
she's screaming out
where does he get these wonderful toys


then there's a bat signal
shinin through the skylight
the whole club just stops and stares
but this is my night
i'm drinking taquila
i'm singing that new kesha
tik tok on clock till it's time that I defeat ya
it could be killer croc
or the scarecrow
it could be harley quinn
or poison ivy but i'll never know
it's a holiday, i got the night off
someone else can handle it, maybe they can call the cops
so I switch chicks
this one's got no class
plus she's a clayface
she's the one that needs a mask
cuz i've done catwoman
bagged a beaumont
i need some pedigree if you wanna ride the bat cock

so i bat suit up
I got my cape and my cowl on
cuz tonight i'm here to party
cuz i made the crime all gone

she's wearing latex
she's got her head bobbin
my batphone rings
but tonight immma leave it up to robin

so i bat suit up
I got my cape and my cowl on
cuz tonight i'm here to party
cuz i made the crime all gone

i trained with ras al ghoul
don't try this at home kids
dj plays my theme song
the whole club flips its lids
Track Name: Dear Justin Bieber You're Going One Direction (Girl I'm Still UR Bofriend Baby As Long As You Love Me & Only Me & Let Me Die In Your Arms Cuz Thats How I Want Somebody To Love)
dear justin beiber
get your hands off off my beaver
dear justin beiber
all you do is tease tease tease tease then leave her
dear justin bieber
let me make myself clear that i will defeat ya

dear justin
i know what you been bustin
in my girlfriend's face
giving her that loving
sing her your lullabies
don't lie i recognize
all the classic signs
under your spell, she's hypnotized
you're such a player
breakin lots of hearts
well she's a good girl
go play some mario kart
cuz ur 16 she's 26 and i don't don't mean to scold
but shouldn't you be running game on 9 year olds
go fuck demi lovato or miley cyrus
hollywood's finest they love your heinous
go frost they eyelids let's put this behind us
come on bro, tell me why you takin all my vaginas

dear justin beiber
get your hands off off my beaver
dear justin beiber
all you do is tease tease tease tease then leave her
dear justin bieber
let me make myself clear that i will defeat ya

cuz you tell her baby baby baby
but then you play eenie meenie drivin her crazy
she begs begs begs her way back to my world
if you'd stay away there'd be one less lonely girl

dear justin
dear justin
i think your motherfuckin face needs readjusting

dear bieber
let me make it clear
if you come round here
if you ever see her
if i see your sneakers
if you deciever her
you'll be mike seaver
you better become a believer
i'll explode your brain
left hook, my kick's the crane
right hook, uppercut, more of the same
hello hospital j-biebs got growing pains
in every appendage
aww look what ben did
this pop stars legless and suspended
mini steve urkle hung from distended
bowels someone get some towels it's ended
can't be mended, even out facebook's unfriended

dear justin beiber
get your hands off off my beaver
dear justin beiber
all you do is tease tease tease tease then leave her
dear justin bieber
let me make myself clear that i will defeat ya

and you're little chipmunk face
you're little chipmunk teeth
and you're little chipmunk hair
you're gonna be chipmunk meat
you got 3 billion hoes
that's my girl bro
you mom called bed time
so you better head home

dear justin
dear justin
i think your motherfuckin face needs readjusting
Track Name: Snakes On A Plane 2: Sharks On A Rollercoaster (The Official Theme Song To Snakes On A Plane 2: Sharks On A Rollercoaster)
i'm back in the continental 48
landed that plane, defeated some snakes
hit the bars for some R&R like charles i'm in charge
me and my whole crew we hyperstraight living it large
except the ones that died, from poisonous bites
but we pour 40s of frozen, flavored ice
on the curb as we enter this theme park center
hard corey hard is fuck samuel l still my mentor
wanna ride every ride till we done
wanna win a prize squirtin a gun
want my g's past 4 bye olivia munn
like that old man said more flags more fun
and we chillin out yo we riding those rides
fast pass in our hands yo we skippin those lines
but then i feel a splash from nowhere, water hits me
something ain't quite right, something seems fishy

it happened fast so i grabbed my glock
whipped it out let it spray like peter north's cock
but the way we was whipping in those loop dee loops
i couldn't aim couldn't shoot the mutant sharks on the loose
hard corey threw up and then ran to el bano
prolly gonna get a blumpkin cuz he was runnin with blonde hoes
i was shooting and axeing, luckily i brought my axe
junior woodchuck for life, prepared for attacks
from snakes or sharks or bug bats or rats
putting great whites in them body bags
and the hammerheads hammering they heads with a hammer,
yeah i also had a hammer, crowd takin pics with cameras
ustreaming it live for their at home grammmas
i hope the third movie ain't zepplins and pandas
they running the attractions, things going nuts
only one way to stop it, put bombs in they butts and blow the park up

a better shark fighter than me, no fucking way
i'm deep blue sea, i'm ll cool j
i'm blowing up sharks, from a rollercoaster car
that i ripped off the track retrofitted in an hour
driving it straight over to the main control tower
the park's my greyskull, and i have the power
there's a boss shark inside it's clear from his face
this ain't a normal shark, this shark's from space
part squid too the way he let his ink spray
but i dodged like a chrysler
like a rock chevrolet
his henchmen chased i got in costume 'n lost em
threw bombs on they butts blew em up it was JAWSOME
followed clues 'n toothes to the water park ride
a final showdown, climactic boss fight
ate shark guts for longer life, pay attention kids
deepest bluest, my hat is like a sharks fin
it cuts in, cuts him, exposing the lies
these mutant sharks were really snakes in elaborate disguise
back for revenge consumed with hate
chopped him up like a scene out of Fishysiousse 8
wounds ridiculous, his blood glows in the dark
the smell is horrendous like an ostrich fart
but i've got the last laugh as i axe out his hearts
i want you motherfucking sharks out my motherfucking park
Track Name: Sperm Donor
so pretty so exotic
like tila tequila, so neurotic
so desperate, she's almost feral
she walks through the club bros bust a barrel
in they pants like junior high
but they sense that she's danger
and let her walk by
not quite a cougar, but she's past her prime
you've seen her on the dirty 200 times
she's dated promoters
done coke with traders
fucked the deejay
and some nfl players
tonight's no different she needs some cock
but as i watch i can almost see the clock
tick tock

she's not looking for love
don't want no mr. right
she's wants to have her last drink
she wants get get knocked up tonight

she's looking for a sperm donor
that's why i'm dancing on her
that's why i'm rocking a boner
cuz I'm gonna be her sperm donor

she fucks like cocaine
like jessica simpson
she's a sure thing
not just kissin
she's looking for chromosomes
what you got swimming
if chicks could skeet
she's be hoppin on women
she don't want your name
or what you do for a living
she doesn't want you at her house
next thanksgiving
she wants your dna
and wants it fast
and that's not an abbreviation
of dick n ass
so i drop my pants
and whip out my squirtle
help this 35 year old ho
make a baby girl
squirt some michael phelps in her ovaries
doom her to a future fof single mommy jeans
try to kiss her goodbye she's like i don't wanna kiss you
i love a grown woman with daddy issues
i just know she'll make a terrific mom
cuz she's still drinks til she tips over like guam
Track Name: Yay! I'm Not A Daddy!
this boy's hot, i don't need to tell you that
eyes see and girls check out that we Formerly Fat
stomach is flat
so show me the rack
cuz i already told you that back
on show me ya tats
she's grinding so hard i'm covered in rug burns
and we're doing it bareback, cuz there's no aids in the suburbs
and i get mine then disappear right into thin air
like a blonde haired lionel richie heir
poof vamoose like bilbo like frodo i've come and i'm gone
then fwoop whoop i was there all along
and i used a fake name, and made up a fake job
i ain't need to be stalked like corn on the cob
and we blowing up huge so the worlds at our shows
and lo and behold, she's backstage cuz she's a ho
she's like I'm not here for lies, we ain't got time
i'm fucking ten days late like third eye blind

no i'm not a daddy
no way i can't have a kid
no i'm not a daddy
no way i don't have a kid

ditch the after party, 10 bucks Wal-Mart invested
she won't piss on it in the store she's princess-en
i need privacy, and wine I'm parched a bit
I'm sorry baby, i can't pee in public
great i got a k-fed before I even made fifty bucks
i'm like listen i was lying about blowing up
so i take her cross the highway to the holidae inn express
and somehow, this bitch is acutally impressed
$50 bucks later, a few glugs of wild irish rose
she's peeing on the the thing like hustler videos
chicks brunette, but I assume its dyed
while we wait she suggests we fuck to pass the time
and my jaw is dropped, but her top is popped
so i lay down like dr. suess she hops on pop
2 minutes later I'm done and the test is too
there's a weird line appearing that's kinda light blue
cross check the box to be sure, my baby mama grabs me
girl you ain't pregnanat, YAY I'M NOT A DADDY!

yay i'm not a daddy
whooooo yeah i don't have a kid

Phase one
a half cooked son,
put it back in the oven
until the soft spot's done
I tried to pull up
Or out before I came
The tower yelling abort
I eject from the plane
I put on a shirt
Just to empty a hanger
She's a little apprehensive
Who's to say I could blame her
Danger Will Robinson
Abort Abort
I feel like Charles Bronson
Unlocking car doors
Sucksex, the deed is done
whip out the petron
let's have some fun
buying drinks for the bar
handing out cigars
got a stork that says yay i'm not a daddy in my front yard
celebrating hard
take a chick back to my car
learn my lesson? no, she's gorgeous I'm not smart
cuz I'm almost a star
I can't have no Shar,
i ain't need a chick with no c-section scars

so ladies if you're not babied up
i'm no obgyn, but I say fill up a cup
yeah ladies, if you're not babied up
i'm no surgeon general but I say light up

all my brothers, if she's not babied up
grab another chick cuz the night is young
and everybody, without a kid on the way
raise your glass up to the sky and let me here you say YAY
Track Name: Former Fat Boys, Schooly Bus, Kelly Marie - My Name Is Squirty Squirt (Puppy Dogs, Kitty Cats, and Skunky Skunks Intro)
yo my name's squirty squirt
and i like to squirt
i put it in her butt and she goes berserk
she's like i love it
it doesn't even hurt
i'm gonna quit my job
and do it for work
Track Name: Former Fat Boys, Schooly Bus, Squirty Squirt, Shakey Shake - Puppy Dogs, Kitty Cats, and Skunky Skunks
yo my name's squirty squirt
and i like to squirt
i put it in her butt and she goes berserk
she's like i love it
it doesn't even hurt
i'm gonna quit my job
and do it for work

yo my name's squirty squirt
and i'm from chicago
i fucked your mom
in all her hot holes
covered her in sauce
just like some tacos
ditched her with a kiss
and sweetly sung te amo

squirt so good
squirt so much
squirt and skeet all over those butts
squirt so thick
squirt so chunky
squirt in a tube and sell it for money (squirt so good filling up your tummy)
squirt so good
squirt so much
squirt and skeet all over those butts
squirt in public
squirt in private
squirt everywhere i ain't tryin to hide it

yo my name's shakey shake
and i like to shake
i put it in her butt
it starts an earthquake
she's like
i love it it it isn't even rape
pull it out fast and make my butt gape

white and gooey
kablammo kablooey
i squirt so much
there's a line just to sue me

it's clear that my loads enormous
i'm squirty squirt i'm a dinosaurus
i'm sex tom hanks just check my performance
i quote post modern poets like my name's lars horris

yo my name's historic
i banged anne frank
squirted on Molly Brown
while the Titanic sank

in my time machine supreme
i was tutankumming
squirted on pharho's
after getting a blumpkin

cuz i'm squirty squirt
and i'm from space
but fucked a vulcan
then sprayed mara jade

the wolf of squirt street
i did it my way
like frank sinatra
with a lot more to spray

i'm squirty's cousin
he rides with us
the call me schooly bus
cuz i drive his bus

sold out shows
i got ten toes
and when i got boogers
i usually blow my nose

original g
i got real clothes
they call me prada man
and mr. gucci toes

facebook page
forty fans
@schoolybus tweets
still written with crayons

squirt in park
squirt my nuts
squirt everyday while i'm driving this bus
squirt and shift
squirt and honk
squirt and something else that rhymes with honk
Track Name: Show Me Where Your Dick Was
Dance, dance
watchin where my hands go
you're real protective baby
i like it how you move slow
drop low
whisper that you wanna blow
out the front door take things back home
we dancing in the dark
barbie in the blacklight
but looking kinda ken
walking with ben in the moonlight
so hot, opinionated
the strongest women i think i've ever dated
cute and cuddly
i feel your silicone boobs
everytime you hug me
i hope you feel me too
but you're holding back
and i think this could be love
you're playing hard to get
but you ain't hard enough
i know you got a secret there's something that you're hiding
i know that your shy but i just wanna slide in
it's like you know me its like we're on the same page
i'll show you mine...wait...don't tell me you're underage?

then you tell me that you used to be a dude
and i'm like weird but i'm into you
and it's cool i like you and i won't judge
come on baby show me where your dick was
come on girl, show me where your dick was
or is it boy, show me where your dick was
was it here, was it there
was there hair, was it bare
i promise i won't stare, if you just show me where

legs smooth and soft
six pack with a belly ring
massive implants
man this is confusing
pretty tiny waste
feminine face
and that super booty
thonged up in white lace
say you're a virgin
well, born again
and I'm the first
man you've been with since you been a man
i'm sorry for the questions
sorry if I babble
should have seen it coming cuz ur throats still got an apple
but if you promise not to break my heart
i'll beat your new pussy up
for an old fashioned fresh new start
i'm a modern man, i think your move was bold
in the pain olympics, i bet you'd take the gold
we hold hands as i enter
it feels so tender
we make love all night
a classic transgender bender
and then i wake up
you're sexy in the sunrise
was it a dream?
and you point down and open your thighs

i never been with a half dude
is that rude?
are you my girlfriend?
is it really true?
where's your foreskin?
where's your clit at?
was your dick huge
or just a tic tac
did they keep your balls
or do you still got em?
do you prefer the top
or are you a power bottom
do you use tampons?
i need to know this stuff
do i need a condom
like, can i knock you up?
Track Name: Brush Yo Teeth (Kids Version)
brush yo teef
Get em real clean
make sure you floss up in between


bacteria in my mouth always highjackin
wanna shut me down keep my tongue from wagging
braggin
still sleepy, still laggin
grab a toothbrush to kill the dragon
whoosh breath that breath so fresh
nice clean smile courtesy of crest
listen to the dentist his advice is best
tooth superman, dds on his chest
cuz he say everyday gotta floss and brush
stick to h 2 aqua skip the grape crush
brush after breakfast, dinner, and lunch
anytime you eat even if it's just cunts
pour one out for william addis
invented the toothbrush from jail, dude is the baddest
and when shit goes crooked gotta rock some braces
two crowns before 30, listen up this ain't fake kids


i love that green, you know i'm the boss
food can't stay stuck when i weild my floss
slip in to the pink, my gums get down
it's almost like i got a g-string in my mouth
mouth so dirty like i been licking butts
toothbrush in so i hit it with suds
let osmosis jones heal my tooth bones
i don't mess around cuz novamin owns
got my burt's bees paste so organic
and my flouride paste vary how i'm attackin it
brush 3 times a day
clear that plaque away
keep germs at bay
its a listerene day
the only three cavaties I ever want filled
are in my hot lil dentist baby come here and get drilled
cuz she'll canal your roots
if you abuse your tooths
her nice boobs don't mask the pain listen to the truth
Track Name: Warp 9
warp one
that's when i flash my smile
warp two we chit chat awhile
warp three she smiles back at me
and then we're out on the floor
they say that's warp four

warp five warp six
i'm giving her all she's got
warp seven
just radiating hot
warp 8
i brush her hair to the side
when her lips touch mine
that's warp 9

she's feeling lonely, like every guys an actor
my crew beams in to relax and party after
girls come around cuz we bring the laughter
they say we bastards
cuz we up on our prey like pastors
i front a bit cuz I know love hurts
and it's rare to find a chick that's down with captain kirk
that'll love a man dancing in a dinosaur shirt
so i play my position until they tired of jerks
cuz other guys wanna be bullies
so me and bo vice tip the dj cuz we wanna hear oldies
a little johnny b goode mashed up wit Boyz in the Hood
about to go and damn near went blind where i stood
she loved the way I did the Marty McFly
she says it's been years since guy that could slide
past her defenses, put a smile on her face
so I spin her around and we light up the space

the worlds moving so fast, i see stars
she could be my six i'm baltar
i need a sword of omens to see if she lyin
will we last forever or are we conan o'brien
cuz i'm jumping ahead this might not last months
but i can see us raising kids or even singing chipmunks
i hope this doesn't go supernova just this once
usually hit bunts i'm due for some home runs
cuz i pimp hits, say baby sip this
vip it for free, cool like the sickest kids
poppin whippits, in benz merecedes that's
really a 97 neon ha can i get a witness
i'm kinda crazy and i'm sometimes late
i'm from a dimenson where it's impossible to drive straight
where we drift all day, cuz life's so great
so take my hand babe, let's accellerate

people say you need a spaceship with fresh nacells
hyperdrive, navi-computer would work as well
but in my t-16 back on tatooine i find my queen
i cast my spell
woo her at the cantina until she fell
and me and this little princess would lay until
the stars seemed to move on their own in space
it's really just science just ask bryce case
how we can move so fast just by standing in place
how i can sing her this silly diddy and she don't mase
how we can be blackjack i'm a two she's an ace
she's a miracle berry no matter how sour life tastes
it's so yum, when she gives me some
when she first asked me my name i was like ummmmmmm
my ship's name is Prince and she's like why
I said, well I dunno, but it's a hell of a ride
Track Name: Bat Suit Up (Batman Begins / The Dark Knight Rises / Christopher Nolan Pronunciation Mix)
i'm stuck in line at the hottest new night spot
it goes and goes forever wrapping all around the block
there's lotsa bitches here
there's lotsa dudes too
there's bouncers out front
what's this lil wayne sposed to do
i could flash some cash
or try to whoop some ass
or go detective comics on em...
and just just sneak past
it's getting late all the bottle whores
will be spoken for
they'll be nothing left for me
when i get my in the door

so i spring into action
back to the mansion
gotta switch my style up
then i'll kill it like a manson
ditch the designer jeans
grab a killer dark suit
straight out a cave
but it'll have to do
ditch my rolys royce
hop into a modified
ford futura from old times
and blast the turbine
then i speed back
through the empty streets
and when i pull up
all the bros scream
and when I pull up
all the hoes cream
and when i pull up
it's like a a fucking dream
and when i pull up
all the villains flee
you got a dress code
but i come dressed as me


so i bat suit up
I got my cape and my cowl on
cuz tonight i'm here to party
cuz i made the crime all gone

i saved the city once
i saved the city twice
i saved it three times
i deserve to skip the line

so i bat suit up
I got my cape and my cowl on
cuz tonight i'm here to party
cuz i made the crime all gone

i ain't no superman
but i saved the whole world
now come here cutie bootie
you can be my bat girl

all you wannabes
gangbangers and gun toters
you think you run this place
y'all a bunch of fucking jokers
you got your bottle service
you push a lot of weight
one little wire transfer
i'll fucking own this place
you drunk and confident
why not hit the batman
you think your supervillians
but you're just some henchmen
we're up in VIP
she's making lots of noise
she's screaming out
where does he get these wonderful toys


then there's a bat signal
shinin through the skylight
the whole club just stops and stares
but this is my night
i'm drinking taquila
i'm singing that new kesha
tik tok on clock till it's time that I defeat ya
it could be killer croc
or the scarecrow
it could be harley quinn
or poison ivy but i'll never know
it's a holiday, i got the night off
someone else can handle it, maybe they can call the cops
so I switch chicks
this one's got no class
plus she's a clayface
she's the one that needs a mask
cuz i've done catwoman
bagged a beaumont
i need some pedigree if you wanna ride the bat cock

so i bat suit up
I got my cape and my cowl on
cuz tonight i'm here to party
cuz i made the crime all gone

she's wearing latex
she's got her head bobbin
my batphone rings
but tonight immma leave it up to robin

so i bat suit up
I got my cape and my cowl on
cuz tonight i'm here to party
cuz i made the crime all gone

i trained with ras al ghoul
don't try this at home kids
dj plays my theme song
the whole club flips its lids